The White Bedroom

The way I look at human beings and their potential and possibility led me to this conclusion. I must be punished for a lack of trying. I know exactly what the punishment should be. I know how much it would hurt and how much I have to lose: from this day on my Pen and my Mind are not allowed to have anymore romance. Their love for each other is forbidden, and there is to be no more romance in the white bedroom of a piece of paper.

I know exactly where they have been together, so far; and if I let them continue I can only imagine where they will go. My Heart screams, she does not like the hardships of punishment, does not like accepting them, perhaps. She asked, "Why are you doing this to yourself? You have done no wrong, and you have not hurt anyone to deserve being punished in this way. Don't you realize that these are your tools of survival and that without them you have a good chance of going mad?"

I said, "Not to be able to reach your potential is wrong. I am due to hear some bravos, if only for a single line of my writing."

She asked, "You write with intention and expectation? This is something that I did not know. I was under the assumption that you write for yourself."

I said, "I write for myself and I feel the highest point of joy; but I am looking for the ultimate joy along with the joy I have. I feel selfish."

My Heart, "It might be a case of greed to look for the ultimate joy."

I said, "My joy needs to be shared with others to become the ultimate joy and this is the only way I could be free from this feeling of selfishness."

She said, "That way of thinking deserves a bravo."

I said, "I don't need to hear that from myself; I need to hear that from a stranger. What I'm looking for is to fill that need that has always been around between people.

The existence of this kind of need makes life wonderful and because of it the world goes around: there is great chemistry between people, and that same mysterious chemistry has an unwritten law: People need People."

"In the world of my illusions, my writings are my flowers," I said.

My Heart asked, "What seems to be the problem?"

"I have tried very hard to take some of my flowers to market, perhaps to bring me the bravo I am looking for. I have heard many excuses. The biggest one?—they try to convince me of a better way to ship my flowers. They tell me that they must be placed in a box and wrapped with a concept and grammar to make them easier for people to see and better understand. I have told them that some of the flowers might die in the box, so might the identity of the gardener. Both-the flowers, the gardener-might be lost.

"Second excuse." I said, "They refuse to take some of the flowers. They say people have never seen that kind, that they will get confused when the don't recognize them. They will not buy them. People usually only buy things they are familiar with."

"Or they try to tell me that some of my flowers have too many thorns for the conscious and that I must cut some of them. They say I am not realistic in this world. I have tried to convince them all to go through the hardship of taking my flowers to market without trying to make them easier to understand. If someone has a desire to understand, they will always find a way. Let's see how people react, then we can decide what to do with the next shipment."

"All I want is a simple bravo. Not affection. There are some bravos here and there, I am certain. I am certain some thought, some sentence, deserves a bravo, but I am discouraged when I wonder why man tries so hard to get everything done so easy and so fast. What gives a person that motivation and passion? How much will you understand or learn if you do not take your time? Passion and Time­­­­—they have the ultimate friendship. Without Time Passion never blooms to become love. Who knows, I love my flowers because I have taken my time growing them, and I know exactly what I have been going through to become a gardener."

The Man’s fear of loosing a thought has become his great motivator to develop a relationship with his pen. He wrote down his thoughts despite all the handicaps that existed because of his ‘school-less’ past. As long as he was doing something about his fear he was satisfied with himself and he believes that no matter how far happiness is, in the end, he could see it and reach for it. 

But there were moments when he wanted to be happy in a different way and get a chance to live without fear. He developed the appetite to hear ‘bravo’ regarding his writing and his thoughts. Bravo never came along, but he still believed there are many bravos hidden. Over time his appetite has turned into disappointment. He decides not to write any of his thoughts for the time being. He told himself that in a matter of time, the fear of loosing a thought would go away. At the same time he faced a big disagreement from his Heart.

Heart warned him, “This is the invitation to the road of madness.” She reminded him that he’d never done anything wrong to be punished like this. And he should not take this pleasure from himself. Wanting to hear ‘bravo’ was just a temptation that would come and go, but fear always stays and it would be the last one to leave. He felt no pain in being alone. 

But these days, when his Imagination and Curiosity showed up, they did not stay for too long. He remembered very well, in the past, that they both stayed overnight; many nights they even shared the same bed. Now, his Imagination and his Curiosity did not see any reason to stay over, not even for a night, because the Man has made the decision not to write down any of the stories. 

After many sleepless nights, he was trying very hard to understand what was happening to him. He always thought he knew himself, he regularly went to the ocean to spend all day, until sunset, watching. 

He was wise enough not to be fascinated by the blue surface of the ocean and he remembered in the past he wrote the line, the deeper you go into the ocean, that’s where many wonderful colors exist, and life becomes simple at the bottom of the ocean where the queen of simplicity rules the sophisticated world.

As he watched, he asked himself, “What is the root of my fear?” One thing, not to loose a thought. Then he asked himself, “Why shouldn’t I loose a thought? Why is that so important to me? Especially when so many people loose their lives because of the simplicity of their minds or because they live with their heart alone. And so many other people steal the soul and dignity of another human being just to eat well or just to look good. When God catches them in the ally of Human Decency and asks them why they are doing this to their man-fellow, to save themselves, they tell God, “You know I am decent, I am just doing this to provide for my children and my family.”

And the Man told himself, “To hear bravo has become greed to me. Why should I insist on having it when there are so many people with much simpler needs? Then he discovered a connection between his fear and his greed. Seemed to him that when we want something out of our life, we must have the capacity to deal with all the fear involved on the way to getting it. Or at least we must be able to live with the man-made fear of not having. That way, according to him, he discovered the glory in being poor. Again, he asked himself, “Why am I insisting on hearing ‘bravo’? Why do I insist on no romance in the white bedroom of a piece of paper? Why do I insist on telling other people I exist? Why do I insist on letting other people know my view about many things when I have seen enough from them to be able to convince all of them that they have not been decent toward each other, that they have not been kind to mother Earth?”

To support the punishment he placed on himself, he even told himself, “No, maybe they do not deserve to know my view. I think I should spend the rest of my time to save a river or perhaps a wounded bird. And I could do something for this planet, and I could do something good for the ones who come after me without me being around to witness their stupidity.”

He believed that Earth remembers much better than people and that the Earth is much more thankful than people. That is the reason that when you are kind to the Earth and take your time in touching her, things grow, especially flowers—that is the way the Earth tells people thank you. 

Since his Heart was disagreeing with the punishment, she mumbled to herself, and, at the same time, asked, “How about the lines you have written for the purpose of touching, what about the lines you have written to help people be kind to each other?”

He told her, “Seems the only time people learn a lesson is when they are loosing or when they are facing fear. People do not learn by reading; there have been so many wonderful things written by so many, and there are so many ideas about how to be good to each other. Even in these days they write about ways to touch the Earth and to give her the opportunity to say thank you.”

He discovered that at the center of his Curiosity and Imagination he always noticed the fingerprint of his Heart. That was surprising to him, he never thought that his Heart could have so much influence on his life. He found her too powerful—in a quiet fashion. He told himself that all this power came to the ones that have great understanding. In the end he was able to convince himself to have a conversation with his Heart about the state he was in these days, “at least I know I’ll feel better.”

Early the next morning he went to the ocean and reminded himself of his earlier discovery: being poor, you can live a life without fear. His discovery made him feel good. He had not felt like this for a long time. 

Suddenly he wished he had his pen so he could write down his discovery. Then he asked himself, “Why do I want to write this down? I want to make a sign and hang it up to remind myself every morning before I go to meet life.” 

He knew he wasn’t suppose to write anything down. He wondered how he could remember the sentence for a long time despite all the events he might go through. In the past, he proved to himself that his Heart had a much better memory than his. He told himself, “I’ll go and find my Heart and explain my discovery; that’ll be a good start, especially after our disagreement six months ago. If I find her agreeable with me, I’m sure she’ll make a notation her own way and I will explain to her what I mean by living the fearless life and being poor.”

Heart said, “I like the atmosphere.”

The Mind was pleased to hear that and, at the same time, curious. He asked, “Why?”

Heart, “That is the best atmosphere for me to do my work.”

Mind, “What can you do in an atmosphere of being poor?”

Heart, “I plant my seeds.” 

Mind, “What kind of seeds?”

Heart, “Seeds of many loves, that is the only way you can survive poverty.” And the conversation with his heart did not go further. 

The next day he went to the ocean. He knew why he liked to be by the sea. On these days he thought he was just like a wave that never makes it to shore and he stands here watching the lucky ones, curious what would happen to him if he never makes it to shore. 

He imagined that if he had his pen with him that his pen would be very upset with him. He describes his pen as dying of thirst in the middle of the ocean. He felt bad: throughout all his journeys he’d never introduced his pen to this kind of experience. 

As he was walking, “Oh God, Heart rules!”

Until sunset he thought about all the possible places he could have taken his pen before he made the decision not to write again. He went home to deal with another sleepless night. 

That night he reached his highest degree of admitting how much influence Heart had on his life. Before going to sleep, he convinced himself to find her and talk to her. 

The next morning he felt he had more energy. He went for a walk in the same spot. He noticed his Heart walking by the shore. He said, “Good morning. What brought you to the shore?”

Heart, “Since you’ve stopped writing, I have less motivation and my days seem to get much longer. And all this is new to me. Honestly, I don’t like it at all. A life without motivation seems very empty to me.”

Mind always enjoyed the Heart’s honesty and he told himself that when you are honest like this all the power will come to you. 

Heart, “How are you doing?”

Mind, “I’m not doing too well. I just discovered yesterday that I’m like a wave that never reaches the shore.”

Heart, gently, “You never thought of yourself like this. I have told you that you should not make that kind of decision, it’s an invitation to madness, and you’re going through the first stage.”

Mind, “You know exactly why I made that decision. First of all, me being lazy and not reaching my potential, that is wrong. And I thought that looking for ‘bravo’ was my right. Plus, I wanted to get away from the fear of loosing a thought for a moment.”

Heart, “Maybe there has to be another way for you to go about all this. I don’t have an answer for you, all I can tell you is that this period has been very hard for me, and not having Imagination and Curiosity around makes it feel like hell. All you have to do is remember when we used to go for a walk and every face was much more meaningful. Do you remember when Imagination was with us? We were able to talk to everyone and everything. Sometimes we got lucky and curiosity would take us to the dark, exciting alleys. Have you forgotten all those good moments? How dare you just let them go by not writing? No way. I want you to know: I do not learn a lot in my life, but what I’ve learned I remember well. I will remember this period for the rest of my life and from now on I’ve decided to protect myself a little better. I cannot be there for you like before. I can only be there for you—on occasion—as a bridge between you and your pen, only for one reason—to stop you from going mad.”

Mind, “Why not? Maybe that is my destiny.”

Heart, “I do not want you to go mad because I care. And as long as anyone keeps me alive in their life, I am the one who determines their destiny, and I always wish well for everyone. I think people are under the illusion that when they find someone they can fit all my potential into that one person and think that is the end of their loneliness. No, we look for someone to share our loneliness. Human Beings have always been lonely.” 

Mind, “Why are you saying something like this? I’ve never seen you talk like this.”

Heart, “Do not underestimate me, I know my potential, and Human Beings have been disappointing me for a long time.” 

Mind, “Why? What happened?”

Heart, “Human Beings forgot to develop a relationship with his surroundings, the way he should be. With my potential the sea could be loved. Trees, stars, and many other things you see and feel could be loved. They all exist and they are all important. Unfortunately, most of them think only one person can make up for my potential and that is the one reason why the concept of love has been misunderstood. They can never understand love until the learn to have passion for their surroundings, and especially toward another Human Being.”

Mind was surprised. He was facing a new era. Heart had never explained herself like this before. Mind paused, then said, “I will pray tonight and every night to have the potential to understand you well.”

Heart smiled. Mind, “I understand your position and I salute you. Heart was full of joy.

Mind, shyly, “Can we celebrate since we understand each other better?”

Naïvely, Heart answered, “When and where?”

Mind was so surprised he could not answer her right away. He paused then said, “How about I go and find my pen and we meet in the white bedroom?”

Heart, “You never went there empty handed. What have you been collecting?”

Mind, “I want to write about the hardships I’ve gone through since I’ve stopped writing.”

Heart, “You cannot celebrate with pain. This period is for both of us to remember in our own fashion. After we celebrate, next month I’ll help you write about this, not now.” Heart knew what the Mind was feeling. 

Heart, “How about you go home and find your pen and we meet next week in the white bedroom of a piece of paper?”

Mind gladly said ok, “I remember where I kept my pen.”

Heart gently asked, “Sure about that?”

Mind, “I swear. I know exactly where, How could I forget?”

Heart, “OK. When you get home and you find your pen I want you to write this down for me:

You can only love the one

Who is capable of introducing you

To all the other existing loves

In this world

Without being afraid 

Of even loosing you.

Silence was aware of her hidden beauty. Naturally, she always tried to be more beautiful. And she knew she was good, but she did want to do good as well. She told herself, if I ask for honesty and truthfulness to be around me, that will make me more meaningful and more beautiful. And we get a chance to talk, and none of us will be alone. 

She just did that by inviting honesty and truthfulness. The atmosphere was perfect. They all agreed to invite imagination to join them. 

When imagination walked in, the first thing he said was, 'Oh, what a perfect atmosphere or ambiance for a conversation.' Imagination looked at truthfulness and asked, 'Where have you been? Have you been hiding, truthfulness?' 

‘No, I have been around, but people are so busy not looking for me and usually define me as painful.’ 

Imagination said, 'Do not worry and do not change your character. They see you as a pain because their view is very tight. And according to me, you are the most beautiful teacher.'

Truthfulness smiled and said, 'Well, I am glad that you see me that way.'

Then imagination asked honesty, 'How are you doing?'

She said, 'I have my own problem.'

Imagination said, 'What kind of problem do you have?'

Honesty said, 'I have not been introduced to most people and am always a case of misidentify.’

Imagination said, 'Do not worry, be yourself. It seems more and more people are falling in love with themselves because they do not have a talent to find someone else to fall in love with. Love usually makes you blind and you do not see everything.’

Honesty said, 'I have been feeling lonely and I have been doing a lot of thinking to find out what is the root of the problem.’ 

Everyone in the room was surprised and wanted to know what honesty had to say.

Honesty said, 'These people have not been taught to be proud of their own mental and physical nakedness. All I know, all of you know, is always walking around naked. When they see me, they run and hide, and some even put on more clothes. All I know is I am connected to nakedness.’

Everyone was surprised and full of joy at the way honesty expressed herself.

Imagination said, 'Bravo, bravo, beautiful you.' Then he told silence, ‘You are looking very good today.'

She said, 'Thanks to my company. But honestly, looking good is not enough for me. I want to find a way to do good too.’

Imagination said, 'When honesty and truthfulness are not there, you scare people. And most of  people run away from you. 

Silence said, ‘I am aware of it. I do not mean to scare anyone. I want them to come to me. I know I am good and beautiful. And I always find a way to give something to everyone.’

Everyone was very surprised by the way she explained herself. They asked her, 'Why do you want them to come to you?'

Silence said, 'I do not want to be alone. And no one in this world should be alone. I remember a lot of beautiful things in this world. They were born in my lap. And I have given so many people a new beginning. Then there are moments when I get so lonely. I wish to become rain and fall in this noisy planet. I do not know how to get there.' She looked at imagination and continued, 'That is the reason I am very happy to see you. What can I do for people? What can I do for people to see my beauty?'

Imagination said, 'I am aware of your good intention. But before you have this wonderful expectation, you must ask yourself, how many people have the ability to see with their mind? And how many people have the ability to feel? I want you to maintain your optimism. And there should be a way. Imagination went on and said, ‘but for this moment, all of us should come up with a colorful curiosity. Or perhaps a question that we can ask people. And for them to find the answer, they must deal with all of us. And if it becomes necessary, we will take their sleep away. And silence, she is absolutely right. When she says, 'No one in this world should be alone.'

This morning, an innocent thought came to me.

She said, "Will you hold on to me for a little while until the sun comes up? I couldn't sleep last night, and I understand you have to get ready to become a soldier of your own routine."

Deep inside, I said ok and decided to have a conversation with her.

I liked the way she approached me. Open and honesty was there. 

I asked her why she hadn't slept last night.

She said, "I am homeless in many ways, according to myself, and I am looking for a home."

I asked her how she spent her day and night.

She said, "When the sun comes up, I walk around and look at the faces of the soldiers of routine and some slaves of addiction. I see them line up to fight for another day. I listen for someone to say something innocent, then I memorize their face."

I asked, “What for?”

She said, "I visit them early in the morning and ask them for the same thing that I have asked you. At night, it's very hard because you cannot find anyone, and they all spend their time rewinding what they have faced.”

I said, "This must be very hard.”

She said, "I don't measure the hardship and loneliness. All I focus on is preserving my identity and innocence while trying to survive."

I asked her why that was important.

She said, "I have seen too many soldiers of routine, too many slaves of addiction. They are looking for their identity. 

She said, “Surviving without identity is the hardest thing for anyone."

I was very surprised by her answer.

Without any control, I decided to be personal with her.

I asked her what kind of home she was looking for.

She said, "Perhaps in someone's backyard of their mind, I want to stand still and grow up to be like a tall tree. I know how to grow up because I have collected many innocent voices and I have captured many innocent faces from being homeless. I know how to put them together to help me grow and become a tall tree. 

I have no doubt many innocent birds will come to visit. Some might even decide to stay over for a night, and I wouldn't be alone anymore. I would protect the one who allowed me to be in the backyard of their mind. I would give them shade. I know my birds will sing. And if they find the time to talk to me, I feel I have so much to give them. I would teach them in a silent fashion. That is what a good tree does.”

As I was listening to her, I noticed I could not move easily. 

Honestly, I did not want to move. 

Suddenly, she said, "You better get ready to go. I am at peace with you leaving me. I am happy with you because you hold me and let me express myself. That will give me the capacity to deal with anything that might come my way. I will come to see you perhaps on a rainy day. 

I asked her, "Why a rainy day?"

She said, "We would not be able to see the sun. Maybe it wouldn't be that much of a rush for you to become a soldier again. We will talk so much to the point both of us will be able to make a rainy day become a wonderful day!”

I want you to come along and say something that can help me come out of being in such wonder. I will tell you about my journey that has made me reach a certain conclusion.

Then see if any of them are good for me to put on for sale.

I have been wondering for a long time why we go through our life with so much expectation. It’s seems like a person who has a thousand suitcases in their hand.

And their hand is never free to catch what life has to offer them.

Who the hell do we think we are?

The birthplace is clear. It's our mind. But the date of birth is not.

What logic and thoughts have we put together to give birth to expectation?

What is the possibility of us falling into the illusion that we are special?

Once again the birthplace is clear but the date of the birth is not.

What is the possibility that when we were a child, perhaps our mom and dad told us we are very special?

Of course we were so innocent that we believed them right away.

This event did or did not happen in our life.

But I think mom and dad forgot to tell us about the logic of time and the concept of passing time.

Now I believe expectation it is the statement of others, but what could it be?

Is it possible it is our way of sending invitation to all type of disappointment? 

Or when we arrive we do not know what to do with them?

Why are we doing all these to ourselves sending invitations? 

It is this another statement about us?

What is the possibility of sending the invitation? 

When invitation arrives, disappointment is going to inform us that we are vulnerable.

And vulnerability becomes ambiance or atmosphere in which we feel alive.

But there must be some other way that we can feel alive.

Now, in my imaginary world in which I live most of the time, there is an invisible book of life. And somewhere in that book has mentioned that vulnerability and feeling alive have been lovers from day one.

A man took all the decisions that had made sense to him in the last five years, all the things he had said, and all the eye-chasing events, and put them in a big sack. Then, he pulled the sack over his shoulder and realized how heavy it was.

He walked slowly and went to see the common sense of the moment.

When he reached the common sense of the moment, he poured everything out on the ground and asked, “Common sense, please come and look at all this stuff—all my decisions in the past five years.”

Common sense stepped forward, looked at them, and said, “It seems they are okay; I don't see anything wrong.”

The man said, "No, since I was a little boy, I always wished to be a bird. But all these decisions and the things that I have said in the past, it seems, are taking the feathers out of my wings. I know I do have a wing to be a bird, but my decisions in the past seem to take out the feathers, and I understand the season of life here, and I might lose a few feathers."

Common sense said, "You have to realize when you are making a decision, that is your expression of the moment, and you have to ask yourself, What exactly am I saying by making this decision? The element of time has always taken the glory out of me, especially when it comes to misleading people because they have difficulty being honest with themselves, and asking them to be honest is something new to them. A human being is always attracted to new things for his eyes only, but to have something new for the mind is a very difficult thing to do. Next time you want to make a decision, you have to ask yourself, Am I making a decision that, in a matter of time, becomes beautiful and not just in that particular moment?  You have to realize in your expression of the moment what exactly you are saying."